Trying to be patient with doctors, insurance, labs, and tests was getting frustrating for me. Our tax return was coming back in a couple of weeks and I wanted to get my surgery. So I started to ask my Heavenly Father again, and I was told not yet. I was so frustrated because I had no answers from anyone medical and it was just hard.
I went back to the pool but had to keep “calm” and keep my heart rate under 125 bpm. That’s really hard for someone who is generally all or nothing. The guards were nervous every time I was there. They’d ask what my heart rate was any time I’d start to have fun with my workout. No matter what I did eating well, and minimal exercise was not helping my body. The weight kept climbing.
I struggled a lot and was in a major depressed state at that point. I had no patience and determined at that time that I could not hang out at the daycare, MY BUSINESS, because I was not able to be the kind loving Teacher Tina I needed to be.
I went to bed pleading with my Father in Heaven to help me know what I could do to become the person I know I am inside. I have always been one with unbelievable patience and kindness to others and I was just NOT. [Tad of background – I have never dreamed in images, nor do I see images when I read a book.] I woke in the night in the middle of a dream, startled that there were images. I saw a lady in the daycare sitting on a stool playing a guitar and singing to the children. I recognized her as Karyn Grant-Turley whom I had met fleeting at events a year or two previously. She was singing lullabys to the children, their parents were just coming in and sitting down as well. There was no chaos, no hurry to leave. It felt peaceful and I felt love for each of those children. I heard over and over… “Who will lullaby the children?”
In the morning, I sought out Karyn Grant-Turley on Facebook and messaged her a tiny bit about my dream. She asked to call me and we talked for a couple of hours. We both were able to be answers to each other’s prayers. She knew she needed to teach the Lullaby Connection, and I knew I needed to be part of that class. I was honestly hesitant because that money (tax return) I needed for my surgery. Heavenly Father knew that I needed to connect with the little Tina inside and smile again.